It’s no secret that Portland, the city who’s official slogan is “Keep Portland Weird”, is well versed in waving its freak flag. In the days of post-Portlandia, with the increasing influx of new residents and the slow demise of the hipster (it’s the Yuccie now folks… Young Urban Creatives. Gen Y…Yup!). We may ask ourselves, will our fair city’s alternative spirit survive?

Look no further than this remarkable and eccentric Valentine’s Day Guide to know in your heart of hearts that Portland’s freak flag flies on! Not being a huge fan of the Hallmark day myself, I decided to look to Ptown’s urban underbelly and highlight a few alternative activities for the adventuresome spirit. Here are some of my faves:

Portland Cannabis Speed Date Night

If you like to celebrate your connubial bliss with some cannabidiol enhancement, consider the Portland Cannabis Speed Date Night. On February 14th, the NW Cannabis Club is bringing “Portland’s sexiest stoners” together for a night of CBD, edibles, vaporizers, and romance. All attendees will receive a gift bag and there will be cool dates every seven minutes (hence the speed date element). Make your reservations soon!


The Dirty Sexy Chocolate Show

If funky 70’s music, cabaret and absurd amounts of chocolate sound like your perfect Valentine’s Day, look no further than the Dirty Sexy Chocolate show. Here, you’ll find a crew of actors/ chefs making an actual chocolate dessert live onstage and right in front of you – and word has it, the kitchen can get pretty steamy. This is no Willie Wonka, so leave the kids at home. BTW:  this comes with dessert included, so all cravings are guaranteed to be satisfied. More info @ dirtysexychocolateshow.com



Talk about doing two things at the same time. It can take some manning up to sing karaoke, but it takes, even more, manning up to do it while there are strippers on the stage. If you think you have what it takes, Stripparoke goes down at the Devil’s Point, voted the #3 Best Karaoke Bar in America by Maxim Magazine. Just remember to make it rain on the dancers, they deserve a Valentine’s present as well.


Love Bites: A Valentine’s Haunted House

If fear is known to be a great aphrodisiac, then nothing will turn you on more than Love Bites: A Valentine’s Day Haunted House. In this interactive haunt, you and your significant other will be faced with a maze full of bloodthirsty vampires. Your mission? To fend them off by any means necessary.  Scary? Yes. Sexy? Hell, yes. It will have you clinging to one another and seeking comfort, guaranteed. Visit Fear PDX this V Day for some seriously spooky treats!


Tantric Massage

This event will guarantee your Valentine’s Day will have a happy ending. If you’re looking to share the love this V-Day, The Tantric Massage Studio will instruct you on how to give a tantric massage to your significant other. The studio brings the massage oils, warm towels, and, massage table, etc. (we’ll leave the etc. up to your imagination), you bring your enthusiasm and passion. Schedule a free consultation. They’ll be more than happy to answer any of your questions.

Also, while in Portland, stop in for  a cock-n-balls doughnut at Voodoo Doughnuts or a heart-shaped pizza at Hammy’s Pizza. Eat them while watching a rom-com from this fab list of  Scoop Whoop ‘s “15 Unconventional Romantic Comedies That Give Love a Whole New Meaning” to do Valentine’s Day in true Portlandia style. Plus, don’t forget to give animals some love at Puplandia, A Valentine’s Day Shopping Extravaganza for pets! All proceeds go to Puplandia Dog Rescue.

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